Carmelita Mary Joseph Carter

The Eulogy of

Carmelita Mary (Joseph) Carter

February 22, 1948 – January 25, 2010

(I would like to begin with the lyrics of a song that impeccably describe my dear, sweet sister. From the artist Chantal Kreviazuk…It is entitled Flying Home)

"Flying Home (Brenda's Song)" - Chantal Kreviazuk

It’s hard to let you go
You've always let me in
And helped with all the endings
And you know where to begin
I need you here for me
Cause you always know my heart
I can’t believe we'd change
Or have to be apart
But if you've seen the love that's in her eyes - then everything is good
And if you know the way she felt inside - she's flying where she should
I never believed we'd ever live to see

An angel being born and flying home…
It’s good to know your laugh
And you'll always hold my hand
And watch from up in heaven
And always understand
We'll take you down the road
And in everything we do
We'll know how much you love us
A soul that's kind and true.
But if you've seen the love that's in her eyes - then everything is good
And if you know the way she felt inside - she's flying where she should
I never believed we'd ever live to see
An angel being born and flying home

Carmelita Mary (Joseph) Carter was the oldest of four children and the only daughter born to Louis “Eddie” and Georgia “The Greek” Joseph. She was born in Bay City, Michigan on the 22nd day of February, in the year 1948. My sweet sister entered eternal life on Monday, January 25, 2010 after a very difficult, 7 week hospitalization, just 28 days short of her 62nd birthday.

Carm is survived by her loving husband of nearly 40 years, James Patrick Carter. Carm and Jim had two outstanding daughters, Christine and Amy. Two loving sons-in law, Dan Sutherland and Jeff Whelan and four treasured grandchildren, Victoria and Ryan to Chris and Dan and Yvonne and Ian to Amy and Jeff. Carmelita is survived by her three brothers, George and his wife Candice, Wayne and his wife Carolyn and Larry and his wife Tracey. She is also survived by her brothers-in law, Butch and his wife Ellie, Mick and his wife Natalie and sister-in-law Patti and her husband John Turri, as well as countless cousins and dear friends…As was my sister’s hobby, she collected children and in so doing raised Jimmy and Christopher Joseph, my brother Larry’s twin sons who called her “Auntie” but knew her more as their “Mother”…and she also “adopted” as another grandson, James, one of Jeff’s sons from his previous marriage.

Carm and Jim met in High School at St Ambrose on Detroit’s lower eastside in 1965. The story goes that following a football game at the local pizza hangout, my sister sent our cousin Vicki over as a messenger to tell Jim that she wanted him to ask my sister out…not exactly eHarmony.com, but still effective…They married on July 18, 1970.

My sister went to cosmetology school and opened her first of two beauty salons in the late 1960’s in Detroit on Chalmers and Jefferson and later relocated to Grosse Pointe Park at Maryland and Jefferson until finally closing the salon in1996. Carm continued to do hair at a makeshift salon in her home until her recent hospitalization.

There are abundant stories to tell about my dear sister…She made up the most completely ridiculous nicknames for everybody …She called her husband “Dodes”…or “King Farouk” …her daughter Chrissy was “Kiki” or “Tina Tuna “ or “Keedles”…Amy became “Mayla” …Danny became “Dan Yan” …my son Matthew became “Thuneese” …my brother Larry was “Bermeese”… Christopher became “Furina” or “Furnace”, his brother Jimmy was “Bobes” … Victoria was “Voolie” …Yvonne was “Von Von” ….Ryan was “Rydie” and my personal favorite, she called her grandson, Ian “E.D. Mike”….and throw in an occasional “Sir Henry” or “Zandy” or “Porgie” and you wondered why we had given names to begin with.

My sister had a temper that most of you never saw… when we were kids, she stabbed me in the wrist with a pair of cuticle scissors…once, she knocked me over an ottoman and I nearly bit my tongue off…and she shoved peas up my nose which also sent me to the hospital…all this accompanied with some of her imaginative phrases like “I’m gonna break your throat” or the very inventive “you can crawl to the wall before I’ll do that for you”.

To show how much I really loved her even though she picked on me,

I would like to take a moment right now to do two quick impressions of my sister…The first is Carm watching a scary movie on TV or at a movie theatre..your hands interlock over your face with just enough room to peek out at the movie but still be protected from the fear…Ingenious, isn’t it? Secondly, most of you should recognize this, here’s Carm posing for a photograph (handkerchief over face). My daughter Stephanie after seeing another one of those photos of Carm with the handkerchief covering her face said she thought her aunt was in the low-budget witness protection program.

My sister hated the limelight. She was most comfortable in the background. She enjoyed the simple things in life. She was very easy to please. She loved old black and white photos and antiques. She love the movie “Somewhere In Time” because, I’m certain she believed it all to be true and not fantasy. She loved Mackinaw Island and the Grand Hotel because of that movie.

The God’s honest truth is that Carmelita was, bar none, the kindest, most selfless, most giving person that heaven’s angels ever set in our paths. She would do anything for anybody. In the course of her life, my sister unselfishly took in our paternal grandmother, our father and our mother… all of them at the end of their lives…and she nursed them with dignity …and cared for them with supreme grace while never once considering herself or her own health. Simultaneously, she raised Jimmy and Christopher from the age of three to adulthood, again, never considering the incredible financial or psychical burden. Additionally, for 10 years, every morning at 9:00am, my sister Carm would walk two doors down the block and care for an invalid woman….every day!...Selfless seems such an incomplete description. I used to joke that while Mother Teresa was alive, she would call my sister Carm looking for tips on caring for the needy. Also, a heartfelt thank you should be directed to my brother-in-law Jim who readily accepted my sister bringing in and caring for all of our relatives. It’s a great measure of the man who supported his wife’s kindness with such understanding.

And through all of this, my sister always found the time for you. She was your biggest fan in whatever you did. She was genuinely happy for your achievements regardless of their scope. Her home always felt really big, because she was so welcoming. She understood your style. She never gave up on you. And how we would cherish those cards she would send with her hand-drawn pictures of that guy peeking over the envelope.

You know, the reason we’re not in a funeral home today is because my sister detested the whole process of a funeral. The viewing, the mourning, the burial…She didn’t want any of it... At the University of Michigan Hospital, Carm did receive absolution and the last rights with her family surrounding her bedside. But my sister wasn’t defined by church…she was characterized by selflessness and sacrifice… So, today this gathering of family and friends is my sister’s church. We are her collective body. It is the least we can do to honor Carm’s final wishes regardless of how we may feel or how things have always been done. To experience this woman’s love is one of the true blessings of our lives…I’ve written a poem especially for my devoted sister…It’s entitled “AND GOD CALLED”

AND GOD CALLED

(for Carm)