Marie Antoinette (Farah) Joseph

  The Eulogy of 

I would like to share with you a poem I wrote for my beloved aunt, 

my interchangeable mother…it is entitled “Plate Spinner”

PLATE SPINNER

(For Marie Antoinette Joseph)

That sacrifice was her daily bread

and selfless thoughts gave joy to her days.

No complaints.

They would never be heard

above the din of a burgeoning brood.

That she gave her vital years to maternity

and to nourishing the multiplying lives.

What abundance of love must she possess

to divide it into double digits…

A mother’s balancing act

like the side-show plate spinner.

Each child in perpetual motion.

Never lacking attention or losing traction.

And her, gentle and unfrenzied.

With focused grace, steadying each stake,

sustaining a family…

That she taught us to be self-sacrificing -

to live faithfully -

to laugh boisterously.

And the joy we learned from her sweet touch

will follow us like a shadow that never leaves…

Wayne M. Joseph          01/08/08

Marie Antoinette (Farah) Joseph was the eldest of six children born to Syrian immigrants Kalil Farah and Mouhiba Akel. She was born in Detroit, Michigan on the 25th day of June, in the year 1923.  My dear Aunt Toni passed away on Monday, January 07, 2008.  She was 84 years old.

Marie Antoinette Farah, affectionately known as “Toni” was the eldest of six children. She was preceded in death by her brothers George and Chuck and by her sisters Olga and Mary. The surviving sibling is her little brother John. (Take care of yourself, will ya’?)

Aunt Toni met my Uncle George Joseph at the A.S.L.A. club in 1946 after being introduced by a cousin. They were married on June 5,  1948. This coming June, they would have been married 60 years. My uncle confessed to me that he once took a job at a sign company in Mt Clemens just to be near my Aunt Toni who was a secretary there. There were eleven children from their union…(now, bear with me on this…this could take a minute)…In order of their ages, there is Chuck, Alex, Dominic, Steve, George Jr., Danny, finally a girl, Mary, then the late daughter Lila, then Marty, Carm, and finally Sam. There are some 3 dozen grandchildren…(who we won’t name or we’d be here ‘til Sunday)…and there are 8 great grandchildren with 3 more on the way. Sprinkle in some amazing daughters’ and sons-in law and granddaughters’ and grandsons-in-law and you have quite a legacy. 

In an interesting side note, Aunt Toni’s mother, Mouhiba, was one of 11 children as well, which apparently set the stage for my aunt’s own large family which included 13 pregnancies over 15 years.

In discussing my Aunt Toni with her family the words that were used to describe her most often were uncomplicated, simple and uncompromisingly selfless. This is a woman who put her family first, above all else. We figured she had 15 years of cloth diapers from 1949 to 1964 and without a washer or dryer, she would hand wash them even when she had as many as 3 kids in diapers. And in what can only be described as a textbook demonstration of dedication, while putting their growing brood through Catholic school and being unable to afford more than one set of clothes for each child, Aunt Toni would wash and iron her children’s uniforms and shirts after every school day. All this so her children could start each day with a clean uniform or a neatly pressed shirt and tie. 

No history of my Aunt Toni’s family can be recounted without a chapter about the Joseph Family Band which existed from 1959 thru 1970. Although she never appeared on stage or very rarely in pictures, she was the glue that held them together. She made all the uniforms for the girls and the hats and other accessories for the boys. She was both their toughest critic and their fiercest supporter. 

Can we take a moment her to talk about her laugh? If anyone ever possessed a more infectious, more defining laugh than my Aunt Toni, then I’ve yet to meet them. Her brother-in-laws would chide her with “if you’re cackling like that Toni, you should check for eggs”. Or if she would get excited, she would let out a couple of “Yee–Yees” that would only add to the unrest.

My Aunt Toni helped raise me thru kindergarten and 1st grade due to my parents work conflicts. My overwhelming memory of her home was the aroma of Johnson’s Baby Powder and Ivory Soap. The soap was used for more than just cleaning up. If you sassed back or used a word that was slightly untoward, you got the reward of washing your mouth out with it.

If you wondered how difficult it was to discipline a crowd of children, well my Aunt Toni had a unique talent in that area. She could throw a shoe with the accuracy and velocity of a major league pitcher. The cruel part of this punishment was first she told you to go get your shoes which she was going to use as a weapon… then you’d run for your life and she’d fling ‘em at you and catch you, even around corners. She had an arm, boy. Her worst discipline however was the six words that none of her kids ever wanted to hear her speak. “Wait ‘til your father gets home”. There’s nothing more frightening than that...except, I’m told, the waiting part. That was punishment enough. (Hell, I’m still scared of Uncle George).

A couple more things that you might find interesting about my beloved aunt is that she never had a driver’s license or drove a car, although she did get behind the wheel of a golf cart once. And she was an excellent high school basketball player, all five feet of her. She carried on her passion for basketball becoming a devoted Detroit Pistons fan over the years.

If there ever was someone whose counsel you would seek out and whose guidance you should heed, it would be my Aunt Toni. I once asked her what advice she would give to her descendants and this was her response, in her own words: “Always do things together. Don’t be deceitful. Don’t ever, ever lie. No matter what questions your children ask you, be very truthful…Make sure you don’t do anything to contradict your spouse’s wishes. You back up your husband and he should back you up and that way the child is not confused and he will grow up to be a healthy, normal child. And cry and laugh in front of your children. That rounds them out a little bit better. There’s gonna be hard times and good times and they should share all that. Always be true to your faith and teach your children the same way. A loving God…He’s not a fearful God…but a loving God. Things will go bad, but always put it in His lap and tell him ‘here, take care of it for me’”.

There is an old Yiddish proverb that states, “When the heart is full, the eyes overflow”. And so it is the case when we try to sum up and honor the life of Marie Antoinette Joseph. Her compassion, her kindheartedness and her ability to forgive set examples for us all to aspire to. She was always concerned for everyone else. Her son Steve described her lack of revenge and her ability to turn the other cheek as a positive demonstration of her Christian faith. A faith that was continually on display. She said the rosary every day, and true to her beliefs, she prayed for someone else or someone else’s intentions. 

So, this morning, as we lay her to rest, let us bow our heads and listen to this prayer for Marie Antoinette Farah Joseph.

O Gracious and Almighty God, you who knows from where we’ve come and where we are going, even though we do not know these things about ourselves. We come at this moment of difficulty to submit our way to your divine will. 

Lord, you have said in Your word:
if we ask, it shall be given, if we seek, we shall find,
if we knock, doors shall be opened unto us.
We come now to ask that you give us strength to release our loved one back to you in a spirit of gratitude, knowing that there will be no more suffering,
no more heartaches, no more disappointments.
Help us to rejoice that there is rest from all labor,
there is peace that passes all understanding,
there is unspeakable joy when union is formed with that
innumerable caravan of ancestors that have gone on before and is able with all the hosts of heaven, to welcome one more new member. Amen.

Our family has lost 4 giants in less than a year. And I know we talk about how fantastic the Josephs are…but it strikes me that the most compelling truths behind our self-appointed greatness are the spouses our family married. Certainly Aunt Toni made Uncle George a better man. My mother the same with my father…and Cousin Geri with Cousin John…the list is endless. The Josephs are far from perfect…but we are family…And there are many other wonderful families out there, and many of us have married into them and by doing so have made our lives richer and better…and when I look around this room, and I remember my holy Aunt Toni this morning, I am obliged to bless all our spouses who complete us. 

In closing, as I mentioned earlier, this coming June, Aunt Toni and Uncle George would have been married for 6 decades. My favorite poet and a close friend of theirs, Sam Hazo, wrote this stirring poem for his spouse, Mary Anne on their anniversary. Sam’s tribute to his beloved wife and their union exemplifies the spirit and the blessing of marriage

THE VOW WE BREATHE

- Sam Hazo

 Nothing has never changed for me, but you, and never will.

It’s not the years. What are they but a way 

(and not the best) to count the past?

And what’s the past but who we’ve grown to be right now.

And how can that make life more sacred or an inch less dangerous?

Our rooms gazed out on flowers that proclaim like flags

we’re here to be each other’s counterpart, and that’s enough.

And yet to live together but to die alone 

seems so unjust of God the merciful.

The mate who’s left goes on but partially, unable or unwilling to disguise the naked limp of being incomplete.

The Greeks were wrong. Those whom the gods would destroy

they make at first not mad, but happy. 

What else is tragedy, is life?

If I could make a toast, I’d say each breath and 

not each year’s an anniversary.

Your rhododendrons say that every time they bloom. 

And so do all your hyacinths, azaleas, tulips, dogwoods, 

lilacs and wisterias.

Because of you I bless those blossoms by their names.

I bless this true and holy earth

that undergirds while we live and hides us when we die.

I bless all love that baffles understanding, human or divine.

What else explains how every mate’s a lock one key alone can open?

I’m yours. You’re mine.

And someone said about my Aunt Toni, based on the life she’s led, “She could commit two murders and still make it into heaven”