Victoria Jean Joseph Bitonti

  The Eulogy of 

October 29, 2003

PARADISE INQUIRY

(For Vickie)

Is it “up there”…

this place called Heaven?

How do you imagine you arrive…

is it floating in a never-ending dream?

Does God gently tug your soul

off His good earth?

Is it the work of angels

to enfold you in love?

Is silence Heaven’s language?

for words lose their meaning

amidst the utter beauty of it all…

When you cross-over into the light

is the passage rife with the spirit

of loved ones?

The enigma that is paradise

shall never unravel…

Its mystery is meant to be revealed

when we appear at its gate…

until then we send more inquiries 

into the unquestionable stillness

we are left to ponder

and all our blissful thoughts 

turn to peace…

Wayne M. Joseph

10/25/03

Victoria Jean (Joseph) Bitonti was born February 1, 1947…the third of four children born to the Josephs, Tom and Virginia, better known as ‘Bea’. She was named in honor of her paternal grandmother, our beloved Sito, Victoria Hatty Joseph… Rumor has it that Vickie’s middle name, Jean, was taken from Aunt Bea’s hairdresser at the time of her pregnancy with Vickie.

In writing a eulogy, you hope to express certain truths about the individual and their life among us. Well, I can tell you one thing for certain…Heaven is a noisier place today…my dear cousin Vickie lived loudly…Let’s face it, the girl made you pay attention…Whether you were in a restaurant, at a wedding, at a play…whenever Vickie was around…you knew it. Sometimes she made you wince, sometimes she made you cry and sometimes she said the things no one else had the courage to say…and you wanna know why? 

I think I have an explanation. You know when you’re in a discussion with some friends or family or at work and someone says something that gives you a rise, it riles you up inside and you want to make a comment that might get you in trouble. And then there’s that little bell that goes off in your head and you decide to keep your comment to yourself…Well, Vickie never heard that bell…if she did, I think she thought it was music and she danced to it. The woman had spirit. She lived her life noisily…bluntly.

Above all else the one thing you can say about Vickie is that she loved her family…unabashedly…all of us…She was fiercely dedicated to her family. Every time I saw her, she’d say to me, “You know I love you, don’t you?” 

She would sing to her nieces and nephews a song from the Broadway play “Guys and Dolls”…”I love you…a bushel and a peck…a bushel and peck and a hug around the neck”…She’d sing those lyrics until she wore them (and her nieces and nephews) out. She cared about everybody in her family. Sometimes to a fault. But always the family came first.

The year was 1969 and we can thank Gordie Howe and the Detroit Red Wings for bringing Vickie and her husband together. Vickie’s girlfriend had season tickets to the Wings and it was Gordie Howe’s 25th year as a Red Wing. Everybody wanted to go see him play. It was at one of those games that Salvatore John Bitonti, better known as Sam, noticed the two girls sitting in front of him and his buddy at the old Olympia Stadium. A romance ensued and on June 2nd, 1972 Vickie and Sam were married…They stayed together for 31 years. By the way, Sam’s buddy ended up marrying Vickie’s girlfriend from the hockey game. How’s that for coincidence?

On the day after Christmas in 1973, Vickie and Sam were blessed with their only child, David John. David and his lovely wife Lisa had given Vickie and Sam the wonderful news that they were to be grandparents in April 2004. 

If there was a more excited expectant grandmother than Vickie, than you’ll have to show her to me. As a matter of fact, the last time many people in this room, including myself, spoke to Vickie, it was when she called all of us to proudly share the great news about her impending “Sito-hood”. She declared boisterously that she was going to be the new Sito Vickie. 

Now this alone would seem to add to the tragedy of her sudden passing. Obviously Vickie had been denied this opportunity that she so desired and so looked forward to. However, all the lessons she learned and all the family values passed down through her will be bestowed upon her grandchild. She will “Sito” thru David and Lisa and Sam…Even as she has passed beyond our physical sight, she will reach out to us.

In the late 1800’s, Henry Scott Holland, a Professor of Divinity at Oxford University wrote the following. As you listen to these words, I believe you will hear Vickie speaking to each of us.

“Death is nothing at all – I have only slipped away into the next room. 

I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you used. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant…There is absolutely unbroken continuity. What is death but a negligible accident? 

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you – for an interval – somewhere near just around the corner…All is well.”

Vickie was one of four children. Her older sister Carol, better known as “Tootsie” preceded her into God’s kingdom in September 1996. 

Her big brother John, tells a story how when Aunt Bea was pregnant with Vickie back in 1947, the “stork story” was still prevalent in the childbirth arena. For those of you don’t know the “stork story”…that’s what you told children where babies came from. The parents would go to the hospital and the stork would drop off the baby and the parents would have the newborn checked out by the doctors at the hospital and then they’d bring the baby home. Well for whatever reason, Johnny wanted a little baby brother. When he was told that the “stork” brought him a baby sister, he was inconsolable. He pouted and was upset…until they brought Vickie home. He says he took one look at her in the crib and he saw the most beautiful baby in all world and he fell in love with her at that moment…a love that will last forever.

Kathy is Vickie’s youngest sister. Her overriding feeling and her largest sense of loss stems from how pivotal a character Vickie was in this family. She was so full of energy and always the center of attention. To Kathy, there was no one quite like Vickie in our family. That’s a feeling shared by Vickie’s father, my uncle Tom, who said his daughter was always the life of the party. 

In death, we should not raise someone to be larger than they were in life. Vickie faced many challenges in her 56 years. She struggled thru some tough emotional trials and some of us shared that with her and felt the fall-out of that. But always, there was this ferocious love for her family. Vickie was in many ways an important voice. She said and did things that caused reactions from all of us. Both good and bad. When Vickie would stand up at a family function and declare, “I’ve got something I wanna say” most of us would cringe. And then, when you heard her heart-felt message, you’d think, “Well, that does make some sense”. She’d put herself in the spotlight and that, sometimes, held her open to ridicule. But, maybe Vickie’s role was to make us feel uncomfortable. To make us not settle for the status quo… and to never take for granted this family and what our parents and grandparents taught us. Maybe that was her mission.

Grief remains one of the few things that has the power to silence us. 

When Vickie took her last breath on October 24th, it was as though a marching band whose music I had heard my whole life had been silenced.

This family will move on… as we must… but now, unfortunately, for all of us, it will be a lot quieter…

In closing, I would like to share with you the words of an unknown author in a final dedication to Victoria Jean (Joseph) Bitonti…

“In the rising of the sun and in its going down -

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter -

In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring –

we will remember her…

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer –

In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn –

In the beginning of the year and when it ends –

we will remember her…

When we are weary and in need of strength –

When we are lost and sick at heart –

When we have joys we yearn to share –

we will remember her…

So long as we live, 

she too shall live,

for she is now a part of us

and we will remember her…

Vickie..."I've got something I wanna say"

We love you, a bushel and a peck...a bushel and a peck and hug around the neck."

September 3, 1947 - January 31, 2011